When participating in the business school social scene feels like eating junk food

It was Day 1 of Orientation at my MBA program. After our scheduled orientation activities were over, I went to a pregame at a classmate’s apartment, before heading out to our neighborhood bar. Everyone was well-dressed, well-spoken, and eager to meet each other. We bonded in this jovial, high-energy environment over playing beer pong, taking shots, and asking each other classic Day 1 questions like, “Where are you from?” and “What were you doing before school?” Over the next two years, big group activities like this, that centered around drinking, were the norm. Business school energized me and primed my socializing muscles in a way I had never before experienced. It pushed me out of my comfort zone in more ways than one, and I am indebted to it for shaping me into a more well-adjusted, polished, and confident woman.

But business school also drained me at times. There were moments where I felt like I was “consuming” a ton of social interaction, but I would go to bed feeling empty and disconnected from my feelings and from other people. My former manager (who had also gone to business school), knowing me very well, had warned me I would face this dilemma: she likened the business school social scene to consuming junk food. When you eat a lot of junk food, you might feel full, but you don’t feel nourished, because it is not quality consumption.

Business school challenged me to critically evaluate how I show up in social situations, how I interact with others, and what “sustainable authenticity” means to me. Because business school pulls you in countless directions and it is easy to get lured by shiny objects in every sense of the phrase (e.g., the job offers “everyone” is taking, the trips people are going on, the parties everyone is schmoozing at), it is crucial to self-reflect on what feels good, what feels less good, and why you are making the choices you are making, especially in social settings.

Make space to engage in interactions that fill up your cup

In most MBA programs, big group activities are the default organized social events. As I mentioned earlier, “consuming” too many of these big group interactions can feel like eating junk food. You talk to a lot of people but most of the conversations are surface-level, and you don’t connect in a deeper way. Simply put, you focus on quantity, not quality, and leave feeling full but not nourished. I’m not knocking these events, because they did push me out of my comfort zone and make me practice how to network and talk to anyone in a social setting.

However, if you’re like me and need 1:1, deep conversations to fill up your cup, I would encourage you to proactively organize 1:1 coffee chats with classmates and professors, attend (or organize, if your school doesn’t have them) small group dinners, and take more intimate classes that foster classmate bonding (at my school, my favorite class was “Communicating with Presence,” which was taught by a theater professor and where we practiced sharing vulnerable stories about ourselves in a way that felt authentic to everyone’s individual personality and communication style).

Photo from Fred Moon

Consider your relationship with alcohol and the role you want it to play for you in business school

It should come as no surprise to you that most MBA programs’ social activities revolve around drinking. When I started business school, I considered myself to be a social drinker. By the time I left, I had practically stopped drinking. This comes as a shock to many because of the alcohol-centric nature of business school. Given the amount of social interaction that we had, I could have been drinking every day. Early on, I reflected and realized that it was not sustainable for me (for my physical and mental health) to drink that often. When people observed me drinking less than others (but still attending almost every social event), they crafted a narrative that I “don’t really drink.” Gradually, I realized I didn’t need this social lubricant to partake in activities. I felt no hesitation participating in social events and taking several trips with my classmates, but not drinking in any of these settings (or drinking very small amounts).

It is hard for me to put into words how empowering this shift was for me, because I assumed the default would be that I would have to drink, or else, I would be ostracized. Through this journey, I learned that no one is thinking about you as much as they are thinking about themselves. If you’re not drinking, sure, you might get some questions at first but eventually, people will get over it and you will still be included, as long as you are comfortable in your own skin. I love to go out, dance, socialize, but I don’t like putting alcohol into my body, and I’m really grateful that business school forced me to be honest with myself about this.

FOMO is real and though it may seem like everyone is doing *everything*, when you look more closely, you see that is not true

Ultimately, your business school experience has to be your own. You’re investing a ton of time, money, and energy into this endeavor. The last thing you want is to walk away from it mired in regret, because you did not listen to your inner voice. The most overwhelming part of business school is feeling like everyone is doing everything (and doing everything well) at all times. However, when you look closer, you see that everyone is prioritizing just 1-2 things. Some people want to graduate top of their class and focus on their family lives, some people are obsessed with getting a certain job and will not attend any social events, some people attend every social event and go on every trip because they want to meet as many people as possible. No approach is the “right” approach. The only “right” approach is the one that does not require you to compromise on your non-negotiables. I encourage everyone who is about to start business school to come up with 2-3 non-negotiables; these can be anything, from professional goals to health habits to family/personal life considerations. Of course, these may change for you over time, but it helps to come in with somewhat of a compass that helps you make hard choices when school gets busy (and it inevitably gets busy right when you start).

At the same time, it helps to leave room for exploration and flexibility. You will, undoubtedly, change and grow during your experience. For example, I am super passionate about health and wellness, and I identify as an introvert and an empath; however, during my two years at school, I deliberately didn’t switch “off” a lot. I knew I wouldn’t get these years back and I wanted to push myself outside of the lines I had been playing in, both personally and socially.

If any of the above reflections resonated with you, kudos. It can be really hard to go against the social grain, especially in a homogenous environment like MBA programs, which attract very ambitious and social people. But there are ways to make the experience work for *you*, so that you can both grow and get to show up as your authentic (and ever-evolving!) self. If you have other reflections or tips on how to make business school feel more personal and connected, and less transactional, I would love to hear them!

Photo from Skylake Studio